the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
