so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
