I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
