shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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