Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
