Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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