when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
