The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
