Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
