You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
