Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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