New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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