could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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