He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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