dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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