I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
