I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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