Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
