i don't like sucking hair
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
