dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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