So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
