he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
