PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
