So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
