it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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