whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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