I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
