I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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