Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
