I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
