dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
