so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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