I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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