I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
