someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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