I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
