I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
