eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
