my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize