Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
