I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
