You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fuck appropriateness.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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