Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
