I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
vagina is talking i cant
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
