I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
