so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I want to be your penis for a week.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
