I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
