Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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