You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
