Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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