I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
