i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
