i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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