yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
