ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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