giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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