I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
