i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
