he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dicks are not precious.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize