Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
