Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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