he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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