I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
