I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
