Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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