She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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