She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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