Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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