when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
