I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
