Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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