You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Please, let me fuck your mom
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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