Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
